Have you ever experienced those days where you are just not yourself. You don't seem motivated to do anything that you normally have no problem doing. How is it that something that can bring you so much joy can also be what is causing the most pain and heartache. What do they mean when they say, "Don't put your eggs in one basket." What do you do when you finally realize that you do not have all the answers? These are some of the things I have been thinking about lately.
It's really hard to wake up in the morning every day and one of the first thoughts you have is, "How am I going to make it through the day?" That is definitely a bad sign. So you drag yourself out of bed, after your alarm clock has been going off for an hour at every 9 minutes or so. Eventually you get to school and then sit in class and you know that all that is being said is going in one ear and out the other. It's hard to make anything feel important. You make it to your next class, which in my case is ballet. The day continues on this way and some how you manage to finish your day and end up home ready to go to bed and start the whole thing over the next day.
I love to perform. Over the summer I performed in the show Guys and Dolls. My mother told me that I'm the happiest when I am performing, and I guess that is true. I enjoy it so much. I don't even know how to describe how it makes me feel. I used to think that it was just dance that I enjoyed to perform, however, I have come to realize that there is more to life then dance. Being a dance major I have found that what I once loved and used as "an out" is now what I need "an out" from. A friend of mine once told me that when you start performing as your job it starts to not be as much fun. It stops being what you do for enjoyment and becomes what you do to put food on the table. In my case, dance has become what I am studying in school, therefore becoming more like a job. It is something I am supposed to be doing instead of what I do for enjoyment.
Here is were the "Eggs in one basket" thought comes in. I totally know what this means. It is important to have balance in ones life. If there is too much of one thing, even if it is a good thing, it can be harmful. If someone loves carrots, but eats carrots at every meal every day for several months, eventually that person is going to get sick of carrots and maybe even decide they will never eat a carrot again. That isn't good because carrots are actually good for you. If the person had slowed down a bit and added broccoli or green beans in their diet they may still enjoy the carrots. I believe that I need to apply this concept into my life. I need to find a good balance. I am excited for my new job. It isn't dance related and I thing that is a very good thing for me right now. It has helped me realize that I do enjoy doing things that do not involve dance! I need to develop new hobbies and new talents. I need to discover who I am. The world does not need another dancer. The world needs me. And i need to find out who that is.
